Lighthouses

One of the wisest quotes ever given to me was Be the lighthouse, not a lifeboat. 

Lighthouses generally sit on rocky shores or inlets to serve as beacons to sailors in dark and uncertain times. 

I’ve had the opportunity to visit a handful of lighthouses and read at least 3 novels based on life at lighthouses. Most often, the men who lived at them and lit the torches in times of maritime need were single, and the work and life at the lighthouse was difficult and lonely. Rarely did they know when they had helped the captain of a vessel, but ALWAYS knew when they didn’t.  

For anyone embarking on a spiritual journey, you will hear the terms light and lighthouse fairly often. You will receive advice on not dimming your light, holding your light close and bright, and realizing that the light you seek is within you. You will hear that shining light on your shadows will make them less scary and help them to heal. (This is true!) 

I learned at a young age that being helpful got me a lot of appreciation and love from the grown-ups in my life. I loved the attention, the pats on the head, and the words of affirmation – and because I was the oldest of eight, I got a lot of opportunities to help life go more smoothly for others. Soon, my craving for positive attention crossed into dangerous territory. I began to look for ways to help when I wasn’t asked, and in the 70s and 80s, nobody was suggesting I “stay in my own lane”.  

There were plenty of times when I veered from conscientious and helpful to judgmental and interfering. And worse, there were times I took others’ power and life lessons away from them, thinking, “If I could save this person from pain, the world will be so much better for everyone.” I became their lifeboat. I took on their pain, their suffering, their lesson, and their ability to overcome, triumph, and learn from their situation. I felt crummy. They felt crummy. And life wasn’t better because not only would their lesson come around again in a different form, but I had taken on energy that wasn’t mine to take.  

Learning to empower people to face their own challenges instead of taking some or all the burden for them has been one of my hardest life lessons. I received so much joy from being the lifeboat for many years that becoming a lighthouse was hard for me and those closest to me, who had come to count on my carrying their load.  

One of my greatest joys today is teaching the classes I’ve developed. They all have an underlying theme: empowerment. If you were to ask my graduates (especially the Reiki Master Teachers) what they notice most about my teaching style, I’m sure they would tell you it’s my “you can lead a horse to water” approach.  

The peace I have found is that I can share tools, insights, and encouragement and I am happy to do so. The work is up to you, just like my work is up to me.  

Be the lighthouse, not the lifeboat.