How Do You Forgive?

I was in a session with a client one day when they asked me, “How do you forgive someone?”  

Forgiveness is not easy. When I have been on the receiving end of a slight, abuse, or worse, my inclination is to want that person to suffer like I am suffering. My brain is awesome at coming up with options. In fact, I can rehash whatever happened to me a million times and come up with a million different scenarios – but usually I have a favorite or two...like I’m giving the Universe a choice! Ha!  

So, how do you forgive someone? 

What I have learned is that it’s practice – like yoga or meditation: I fall out of a pose and try again without judgment, can't do a pose and try again next time. Or, I breathe in, breathe out, think about my to-do list...come back to remembering my breath...think about my worry list...exhale, inhale...start to fall asleep, jar myself awake, think about the time at jury duty that happened...breathe again. Forgiveness is not a one and done deal. I discovered that it’s a decision made over and over and over and over and over again until I can look at the situation without emotion, positive or negative.  

The tool that I have found most helpful is the Ho’oponopono Prayer 

I’m sorry. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you.  

That’s the whole thing – those 4 sentences. I repeat them several times (sometimes several minutes) sending them to the person that is causing me to feel hurt and/or angry. They can be said in any order. There is no magic number of times they should be said. 

One morning, I woke up and was repeating the ho’oponopono prayer as I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and got ready to do my morning journaling. I asked the angels what they wanted me to know that day. Their reply was that they could tell my heart was heavy, and that I should keep repeating that prayer several times throughout the day, including before going to sleep and upon waking for as many days as necessary to free myself from the weight of my ire.  

I once heard someone say that the magic in the ho’oponopono is not that the words will bring justice, an apology, or even, necessarily, remorse – although sending love energy towards others never hurts a situation. The magic is in the fact that we, ourselves, need to hear those words spoken aloud to us. When we pray the words (especially out loud), our brain processes them without differentiating who is saying them. It helps to heal our souls.  

And so, I continue to pray the ho’oponopono - morning, night, and several times in between. It’s working. I can speak of the incident without my blood pressure raising or frustration seeping in. I can recognize the hurt and pain in the person involved in the incident. And I can appreciate the root of the problem and love that person. I don’t have to let them hurt me again, and I don’t need to reinjure myself by repeatedly replaying the scene in my mind. I can give myself what I need the most: I love you. Thank you. I’m sorry. Forgive me.  

I might even be able to get through a 5-minute meditation without my monkey mind jumping from topic to topic! Well, maybe I should practice that more too!