Shedding the Cloak of Disappointment
Disappointment comes in many forms and descends upon me like a heavy cloak. My mind tries to make sense of it by going over scenario after scenario trying to make it make sense. There is no sense to be made.
Where I go from here is key.
Some people stay for lifetimes with the heavy cloak of disappointment draped over their shoulders. Others are able to shrug it off, like water off a duck’s back.
I would say that it depends on how big the disappointment is, but that’s not true. It has 100% to do with how the person who is experiencing it chooses to use it. Some people wear that cloak of disappointment like a uniform – donning it every day like a status symbol.
My daughters’ first grade teacher, Ms. Pam (shout out to the awesome Ms. Pam!) used to call it “look at me behavior” when everyone’s attention was diverted to the poor unfortunate soul who felt slighted, exasperated, or for whatever reason, “unseen” and they chose to create a scene.
Truly, that’s what disappointment is: a moment from childhood when we felt unseen, unheard, or unloved, or like things are unfair, that comes back in disguise.
The people who can face disappointment with ease and grace are those who have learned to love that part of themselves that was hurt as a child. They can look at the scene objectively and know that it’s not personal.
When I am struggling, going over and over in my mind all the ways this is bad for me – I become a victim, and soon I am looking out at the world at all the people choosing to hurt me in all the ways. I start keeping a list of people and remembering each time I’ve been slighted by them. I feel miserable.
So how do I move to a state of ease and grace, letting the disappointment slide off my back and onto the ground?
I start looking for best case scenarios. Yes, I know it is very Pollyanna-ish. Someone said, “what’s the best that can happen”? It’s kind of like that. It’s looking at the disappointment from the outside, with me as a side character instead of the lead. Assuming there is a much bigger picture and I’m an extra on set, what was going on for the greater good when my character felt the need to start taking things personally? Is it possible that this is a set up for a better outcome when I am the lead character?
Loving myself means trusting that I am no different than anybody else on the planet and trusting that I have the divine spark of love in my soul. It means comforting myself in the knowledge that I will always be guided and supported, and if this thing didn’t happen according to my script, that there must be a better one that I couldn’t imagine. I hug that disappointed part of me and let my busy mind rest. I don’t need to figure it out.
