Should
One of my good friends says, “Stop shoulding all over yourself” when I say the word should.
What is should?
In brief – should is a word that evokes within us a sense of shame and guilt. It is not helpful, and it doesn’t change things.
If it is being used to say that we wish something in our life were different in the moment, it is helpful to consider why things are not different.
“I should be on vacation right now, but...”
“I should be doing a task, but...”
“I should be taking care of myself in a certain way, but...”
All those shoulds are messengers telling you about your situation and your priorities. The reason you are not doing the things you think you should be doing are telling a story. Forgive yourself for not being able to do two things simultaneously. Who can?
The truth is: the most important thing for your personal soul growth and learning is what happens. There is no should about it.
I am not on vacation right now because I have decided that where I am right now reinforces my values more than leaving town.
I am not doing the task because I don’t have the tools I need, the support I need, the time I need, or perhaps because what I NEED right now is rest. It will get done or it won’t.
I am not taking care of myself in a particular way right now because it’s easier to scroll on my phone than to go for a walk, get a facial, or make myself a green smoothie...and perhaps, this is my way of taking care of myself with the energy I have.
It’s amazing how things work out so that we are exactly where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there! And conversely, how we aren’t in the places we aren’t supposed to be when it’s not in our best and highest good. When we are living a life in alignment, things tend to work out smoothly regardless of how many things we checked off on our to-do list beforehand.
I recently finished reading Anita Moorjani’s Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer to Near Death to True Healing. Without oversimplifying her story too much (seriously- this should be on everyone’s must-read list!), she explains her life before and after her NDE (Near Death Experience). Beforehand she was living a life based on what everyone near her expected her to do. Afterward, she was so touched by the extreme unconditional love (and other things that I won’t spoil- seriously...read it!) that she felt “in the light”, that she came back with a new perspective. Our lives are here on earth to be lived with joy and awe! It is up to us each day to be playful and notice wonderful and synchronistic things!
If you or I am caught up in the drudgery of should, we are missing our purpose! Life is meant to be filled with things that inspire and excite us – even the hard parts.
This year has been a challenging one for me. The man I have been calling “Dad” since 1991 has been very sick and near passing, and my husband and I have been called to “come home” four times since February for weeks at a time. We have missed some of the things that we planned, but we have been exactly where we should be each time.
A year and a half ago I quit eating sugar, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, and most grains and starchy foods. My health did a major turnaround and I felt fantastic. In the last few stressful months, many of the things I had quit eating have made a comeback into my diet. I could shame myself with what I should or shouldn’t eat, or I can celebrate the changes that have stuck and improved my health, keeping my body functioning well when I choose less healthy options. Besides, being 1000 or so steps from hiking trails got me excited about a new healthy habit or two (hiking and getting up early to do it!).
So, who's to say what we should or shouldn’t do, where we should or shouldn’t be, how we should or shouldn’t live? Our inner self. Our soul. Our spirit! When we live in alignment with who we are meant to be, parental pressure, societal, religious, and cultural norms become less important. We are able to find joy and motivation from within and the “shoulds” fall away. Life loses its drudgery and dread and exposes bliss!
So, stop shoulding all over yourself. Listen to that quiet voice within. Find your peace and bliss. The angels are here to support you. Ask your guardian angel for guidance and help and be open to it.
