Choosing Misery
I spend a lot of time in gratitude. I don’t say this to brag. It’s a coping mechanism and a fact.
Taking time to notice things around you, no matter how big or small, that you are thankful for each day brings more things to be thankful about.
Right now, it’s -8 degrees Fahrenheit with a –16-degree wind chill outside. I am currently very aware and very thankful that my power is on and reliable, that I have heat and warm clothes, and warm food to fill my belly. I’m thankful for good books and hot tea. I’m grateful for flannel sheets and down comforters.
This “game” is something transferable to every part of life – the ability to focus on the goodness. The result of playing this “game” of life of finding the good is that even when things are challenging, or even amazingly “bad” things are happening, there’s always something good to recognize too.
There are people who play the opposite “game” - everything is miserable; people are out to get them. Life is unfair. Nobody gets how badly the deck is stacked against them. Life sucks!
What I’ve learned is this: you will be as miserable as you set out to be.
If you make it your goal (consciously or unconsciously) to find every little thing around you that is missing the mark of perfection, you surely will find it!
If you have decided that you always get bad service, your antennae will focus on every mistake, error, rude behavior, uncouth comment, and seemingly bad thing that your server does. You will, in fact, receive bad service because it’s what you are looking for.
Conversely, if you have decided that you’re going to get good service, or even are neutral and open to the experience, your brain will miss mistakes: your ears won’t hear offensive remarks and eyes won’t notice if there’s a rude gesture. You may notice your server is trying their best. You may overhear that it’s their first day on the job and notice that sound of disgust they made was at their own error, not aimed at you. You might take the opportunity to put them at ease with a simple smile and change the entire interaction and experience for both of you.
People who are miserable are miserable because their focus is on everything that could possibly go wrong, everything someone might say that could be offensive, everything that someone might do that would cause an inconvenience. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and hard to be around.
I’ve gone through periods of my life when I spent a lot of time complaining. People did one of two things: they would join me, or they would quit hanging out with me. The result was the same – I always felt worse, not better.
Since I switched to spending more time in gratitude and less time complaining, I have found that I really do love my life. Even the obstacles that occur in my path don’t seem that bad. My worst experiences have at the very least, been teachers to me, bringing me wisdom and compassion to share with others along my path experiencing something similar.
The thing is – we all have this power! In fact, it’s a superpower to recognize your ability to quit being miserable. We don’t have to have a bad day because we woke up late (or our stupid alarm didn’t go off...casting blame to something or someone else). We can get excited about the adrenaline rush of getting up and out the door and setting a new “getting ready” record. We don’t have to have a bad week because our car won’t run in the sub-zero temperatures and we must take public transportation. Perhaps we are meant to meet someone on the bus, or our guardian angels are keeping us off the road during a multiple-car pileup? We don’t have to have a bad month because it's the holidays and we don’t get to celebrate the way we always have. We can make new traditions to look forward to – perhaps a small daily ritual; something to look forward to each day? We don’t have to have a bad year because a loved one died and people say, “the first year is the worst”. We can recognize that our grief is as strong as our love was/is and find new ways to honor and communicate with our loved one.
Everyone is going through something. EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING. Everyone!
We all have a choice as to whether we choose to be miserable or grateful.
If you choose gratitude, but aren’t sure where to start, ask your angels for help. If you’re still struggling, ask them for a signier sign. Tell them you need it to WOW you. Then, get your pen and paper ready. You’re going to want to write this down. Your life is about to get a whole lot better!
